I’m going to go back to the original nature and purpose of me starting up this blog. I have knack for never being able to turn my brain off and casually slip into anxiety very easily when it comes down to subjects that could potentially go wrong in my life. In truth I am well aware that it is more self sabotaging than actually helpful but I have always had difficulty turning it off or at least ignoring it. It can be like a drum that bangs on my skull constantly and the minute I am done doing something I tumble right back down the rabbit hole and get lost in the thousand yard stare that causes me to focus at the spot on the wall.
To make it short and sweet my mind and body have been in high demand with this new position I have taken. I am indifferent about the position after being there for only about two months now I am finding myself exhausted most nights after long shifts and resenting waking up in the morning to go back. But as usual I soldier on in hopes that some form of stability will reawaken itself in this position and I can continue to have a life. It hasn’t happened yet. And with it not happening yet I hope so soon since I am beginning to wonder if I made the right decision. This is what is causing my brain to fire off at an uncontrollable rate and its starting to run rampant. I see relief on the horizon but this job is notorious for dropping the ball on you at the very last minute. It hasnt recently so I’ve taken that as a sign that things are becoming steady or I just havent cared enough and realize I cant control everything this position tosses at me. We will see.
As I have stated before this is just a brain dump with no lesson and really no purpose except to just get it off my chest. I actually feel better. Id feel even better if I had a cookie though!