People = Nuts

People are fucking weird. There I said it. I have been driving with this company for almost a year and a half now and that is the lone statement that holds true. On an average work day for me I will drive through dozens of small towns and villages and roughly between three to eight cities depending on how busy my day is. Within this travel I will encounter hundreds of drivers and piles of pedestrians in which I will interact with about twenty of them which of whom are my customers. When I state that people are weird I am talking about the outside interactions of the populace that do not consist of my customer base. Here are some descriptions of these cities in my own words and the weirdest encounters I have happily and involuntarily been a part of with the local populace.

Disclaimer: These encounters and experiences haven’t really been negative per se but more awkward than anything. They may also evolve into a hilarious rant. Enjoy! 

Utica, NY – You could call Utica a colorful city if you could consider all of the grey scale as a variety of color, oh and red too for the amount of brick buildings. Its a large city that looks as if it is in a constant state of disrepair and is continuously plagued by road construction.


Left turns are apparently illegal considering all of the medians so if you want turn anywhere in the city you have to go all the way up to the border, turn around, and then come back down to make your left turn, that is if you don’t miss it again. This difficulty is magnified a hundred fold during the construction season which consists of eight months out of the year.To counter this many of the people walk to avoid the nightmare that is the grid structure of Utica but almost always seem to be in a partial state of hibernation since winter never really takes a day off up there. Because of this, people trudge along slowly and speak with two words where the rest of the world will use twelve. I’ve determined this is to conserve warmth for the journey to their destination. This makes asking for directions awesome and I am completely serious on that point. You ask them for directions and they will give you a response as detailed as it needs to be and then let you on your way. There’s no chit chat, no small talk, nothing. It’s the best when you are in a hurry.



Syracuse, NY – This city consists primarily of three parts. The first part is the college. This place is a lot of fun to be in when you are not driving a giant box truck and could potentially rival Penn States drinking habit during a rival basketball night. This is all considering that SU has a basketball team that nearly bitch slaps every team it comes up against. big_daddy1The second part is the giant hospital they are building on the hill of the city and where I am pretty sure they are creating a giant super human. The place is brand new and the construction workers taught me how to park in the middle of the highway without getting hit. Finally, the last part is the pond that sits in the middle of this city and is being cleaned up so thoroughly that I am pretty sure the fish wear monocles. It truly is an entertaining town with a lot of college students mixed in with the local populace. My most notable journey to Syracuse happened next to my customers building right off the Salina/Clinton St exit in the middle of the city. It was an easy drop right off and back on the highway with a single man hanging out next door to the shop I was delivering too. I dont know if the guy lived in the building but he must have felt pretty comfortable there considering when I came out he was pissing in public on the building almost like a reenactment of Big Daddy. Once I realized what the hell he was doing he looked at me and tossed a casual ‘Sup’ and continued painting the bricks with his trouser snakes stream.





Ithaca, NY – Hey you like red lights!? We got red lights! FORTY FUCKING BAJILLION OF EM! Guess what else we got! Cops! Cops are great arent they? Oh and they also are sitting right on the southern most end of Cayuga lake which almost makes you forget about all that in the spring, summer, and autumn.


Aburn, NY – Okay…this is the epitome of pants on head nuts when it comes to a town. I deliver to this town regularly and at first glance it seems pretty normal. Let me round off the list for yah and get that silly normal idea out of your head. In the past year they have paved their entire main street which is a four lane highway with redlights and no turning lane. Once paved they tore the WHOLE THING UP to re-pave it again. It took all summer.

bigpotholeAlso, cops will not hesitate to pull people over in one of these lanes, block the already slow traffic, and write someone a ticket. Adding to that, less than a week ago a pub burned down (like raging inferno) and across the street at a GAS STATION the people were still filling up their cars as casual as a koala taking a dump from a tree. Nobody did anything for a solid twenty minutes. Lastly, and this is my favorite, they decided to replace a quarter mile of sewage pipe IN THE MIDDLE OF DECEMBER on an alternate residential side street. They gave up after they realized that when the ground gets below 10 degrees that it gets way to hard to dig.  So while waiting for warmer weather they decided to block off half the road and fill the rest in with half assedry (that’s a word right?) that is not smooth to drive on at all. Here’s the kicker to all of this, the people are so casual about it. I swear that a tornado could go ripping through downtown and nobody would pick up the pace at all in a panic. I don’t think it exists. People would still drive the speed limit if they were ordered to evacuate even if a  nuclear warhead was careening towards their residence. That is how relaxed the people are. they accept the slow, easy going life and that’s all they seem to need. Although I did get told to fuck off by an eight year old there once. He’s probably still learning. 


Enjoy and Cheers!


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